The Cuckoo Crew
by Soul Stealing Kodak
Summary: Discontinued! Shall be deleted soon enough. Constructing a rewrite.
1. Prologue: The Players

Kodak: Cue fan insert! Don't worry, I'd like to let you know there are certain things I would never do with one of these- OCxCanon romances for instance. Also, no fan will be paired with a character from Hyrule- that's just dreary and depressing.

This story is a comedy/adventure story. Perhaps there will be some light romance at an eventual point if anyone suggests it, but for the most part I'm sure no relationship will scale beyond that of friend. And there sure as hell won't be any matchmaking.  
That said, please try to take this with a grain of salt and some laughing gas. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable, just as any other humor fic. You can also feel free to seriously critique it if you wish, but please keep in mind I didn't set out writing this with improving on this story in mind. (I would, however, be happy to take any advice I receive and apply it to other areas of my writing!)

Now, onward! This is the prologue- I hope to post the first shits and giggles real chapter soon enough.

* * *

**Prologue- The Players.**

* * *

Ashley hated rainy Saturdays so much that, she decided, if they were a tangible and real person, she would take her dad's chainsaw and insert it gleefully into Rainy Saturday's gut. Then Rainy Saturday would no longer exist, and Ashley Thames could enjoy a weekend at the lake with her parents as planned, rather than the monstrously boring thing that was _now._

For a few long moments, Ashley thought about her conversation the previous night with her online friends- and her excited regaling of her planned outing with her parents. There would be fishing, _goddamn delicious roasted marshmallows_, grilled fish and steak, and disgusting lakemud stuck in her toenails for weeks afterwards. Oh, how elated she had been. Somewhere in the Midwest, she could _feel_ "KillerCarebear" laughing mercilessly at her- and probably commandeering her own dad's grill for roasting marshmallows. _Damn_ her. _Damn_ her to hell- and her delicious witticisms, too.

What had been everyone's plans for the weekends, she mused... she thought of her sarcastic LiveJournal/IM friends and decided it didn't matter.

She just wanted it to stop fudging _raining_.

"Ash! Hun, come to the kitchen, I don't want you out on the porch." her mom called from the screen door.

"Aw, come on..." she mumbled, but something caught her eye.

"Ma, does it seem like the water is rising kind of fast to you...?"

()()()

Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of the country, "KillerCarebear" was indeed roasting marshmallows on the grill.

And savoring them.

_Let's see,_ she wondered as she bit into some black and white goo, _Our dear TheGreatBiscuit should be at the lake up in Minnesota with her mum and dad right now. Hope it isn't raining. DiscountCancerSticks is filling out job applications! Yaaay go smoky go and SlimeSlayer440 is with her dear little brother CerealManiac7. My anime marathon senses...they tingle._

"Sugaaaar." she moaned.

"I worry about you, Caroline." her dad remarked from the porch.

"You should worry more about the carrot cake in the fridge. Go back inside, I'm not going to burn the house down." she answered idly. Mr. Garrison chuckled and heaved himself out of his lawn chair, leaving his only daughter to her own devices and joining his gaggle of sons for a different kind of sweet in the kitchen. Caroline speared another pair of marshmallows on her coat hanger and held them over the grill, patiently waiting for them to turn black and crispy and _perfect_. _Screw s'mores anyway_, she smiled to herself.

And she figured after a moment that the fire wasn't supposed to be burning odd colors or smelling like menthol. Maybe she ought to douse it.

()()()

Evan hated job hunting with a passion so fiery the sun would run screaming to it's _mommy_ in the face of such heat. Oh yes he did.

And yet, some evils were necessary for the good of the world. Whether it be in a downtown coffee shop, manning a register, or wiping down tables at the local bar, Evan Ludger, known to the interwebs as _DiscountCancerSticks_, was in dire need of a new job within the next month or so if he wanted to keep his crappy, but adequate little apartment.

His one bedroom contraption with electricity, plumbing, a shower, a microwave, even a TV! Hell, it wasn't his parents' house in Oregon, why would he complain? "Oh right, I'm an American!" the odd mix of goth and neat freak chirped.

He wondered if Best Buy was hiring, or perhaps the bookstore down the street from the college. He had a few interviews scheduled now- thank the powers that be, might he mention. He hadn't even had to black the red tips out of his hair to get on peoples' good side. Everyone was so nice these days, he mused.

Oh, and then he saw what appeared to be a giant wall a few feet in front of him. (Cue foul swearing.)

()()()

Mickey and Kayla savored every other weekend like no one else did. Their parents were divorced, they lived in separate homes on opposite sides of an impossibly large city- the middle schooler and his older sister had stopped taking each other for granted a while back and learned to enjoy each others company while they could. That meant anime marathons, video game races, movie outings, swimming pools, food courts, and whatever the hell else they could dream up that their dad- the better half of their parents- would take them out to do.

This week met them with a cloudy and rumbling sky- and they didn't feel like going out anyway, not with Kayla on the edge of a nasty cold.

"What next?" Mickey questioned, bowl of captain crunch in one hand while he bent over his sister's vast collection of anime and cartoon dvds.

"You know what?" Kayla croaked from her bed, "Hook up the game system, actually- let's see how the fair land of Hyrule is looking today."

"Where's the controller...?" Mickey mused, pulling out a fire orange nintendo 64 video game system and smiling fondly at the golden cartridge that had come for Christmas some years ago. It almost seemed to sparkle when he looked at it.

"Wait is the game glowing?" Kayla coughed.

()()()

Generally, Din and Farore agreed with their dear sister- it was best not to get people from different worlds mixed up with eachother. They weren't supposed to exist in other realms, after all, and no matter how small their presence, if they got lucky enough they could upset the balance of history- or at least change the way in which it proceeded.  
But really, they were_ bored_. _Unbearably _so. The same cycle always repeated- good versus evil, hero saves princess- and all by his lonesome (Well, maybe with a spectral little partner of some sort- but really, now...).

So, why not make things interesting? Take some unbearably bored kids from one world and dump them in one that was about to go down the crapshoot- the kids should know it too.

"I certainly hope they aren't completely helpless, though." remarked Din thoughtfully, "It would be awful if any of them died- wasn't the oldest about twenty-one? Even for a human that's still nice and young."

"Well, we've already stuck our hands into things." Farore sighed, a somewhat entertained grin on her face, "If worst comes to worst, we can always give them enough help to pull through. By the way, Nayru is going to be -as they would say- _pissed_ when she finds out about this."

Din released a bark of laughter and twirled a lock of dark chocolate around a tan finger. "Well, things are already about to start- and even if she _is_ 'pissed', she'll have to admit she's been a bit bored lately too. Let's just see how things go, eh?"

Farore smiled in amusement and stared through the floor, appearing as if glass. Things were about to kick off.

* * *

Kodak: Feel free to use whatever puns you like in reviewing- but they have lost the game, those five.

As a note, the ages are thus:

Ashley- 17  
Caroline- 18  
Evan- 21  
Kayla- 16  
Mickey- 13

As another note, the idea for this story came from some silly comments and RPs I partook in with four of my friends from this site. _eatspeaches_, my fantastic beta, is one of them.

Any review is welcome. Flames are fine too, I just want to know _what_ you think I'm doing wrong. (Frankly, if you don't like fan inserts, you shouldn't be here to begin with lol)


	2. Chapter One: Bizzy, Bear, and The Boy

**Kodak:** First, thanks to my reviewers- _SuperGeek3, ismichi,_ and the anonymous reviewer _Chatty Tatl._ Thanks for your feedback and support! I hadn't been expecting to get _any_ reviews, to be perfectly honest.  
Second, thanks as usual to my buddeh, _eatspeaches_, for betaing and consulting.

This chapter starts off a bit strangely- Ashley is, as you might put it, the "main character", but I've done an experiment here and started the chapter from the perspective of a different character. If you all think it works as a way to give insight into the other members of "the crew", I'll keep starting chapters off like this now and again, but it certainly won't be a regular thing.

Lastly, here are some short personality descriptions for the Cuckoo Crew, to give you an idea of what they're supposed to be like on a normal day.

_Ashley/TheGreatBiscuit-_ "The Leader." Sarcastic, determined and proactive. A natural leader.  
_Caroline/KillerCarebear-_ "The Mother Hen." A bit skittish, a good actress(or liar), adapts quickly. A bleeding heart.  
_Kayla/SlimeSlayer440-_ "The Big Guns." A little short tempered and cynical. Also combative and on occasion, far too blunt.  
_Mickey/CerealManiac7-_ "The Swabbie." Obedient, mild, puzzle-adept. Sort of girly- willing to admit it.  
_Evan/DiscountCancerSticks-_ "The Old Man/The Maid." Bright, energetic, optimistic. Also quite a neat freak.

This chapter is long winded and kind of slow, but things are usually like that when you aren't cutting monsters down! Anyway, I hope you all can bear with it and not hurl rotten food at me just yet- please enjoy.

* * *

**(?)(!)(.)  
Chapter One: Bizzy, Bear, and The Boy.  
(?)(!)(.)**

* * *

When she came to- apparently she had fainted at some point- she still smelled the heavy, herbal and chilly aroma of menthol. It was all around her. In fact, it was almost suffocating. If it were a blanket she would scramble out of it desperately, wanting to be away from the scent reminiscent of the medicines her mother always used to keep her from coughing like her throat was full of sand when she was sick.

She had the urge to check and make sure her sneakers hadn't melted or something. She felt nice and cool, though...odd. Singularly odd.

Actually, where was she? Caroline was rather sure she wasn't dreaming- usually her dreams involved things like endless corridors, giant chessboards, and more commonly, rafts in the middle of the sea. Rafts equipped with orange juice and other delicious breakfast foods.

Dreams like that usually ended with the sound of her morning alarm.

She began to consider getting up to examine her new and vapo-rub scented surroundings, or at least rolling over to look up, when something jabbed her in the side. She stiffened and her heart jolted, and Skittish Caroline(TM) became the forefront in her consciousness. Whatever it was jabbed her again a few times. Maybe it was a stick or a toe- it seemed irritatingly curious, whatever it was, and that helped calm her nerves down. It hadn't eaten her yet, anyway.

"...Ow." she finally said in complaint.

"Oh, it's not dead! That's good I guess." said a female voice- it was sort of tinny, but not in an annoying way.

Caroline pressed her hands to the ground- it was covered in conifer needles and loam- and did a half push-up so she could glare at her aggressor.

She seemed to be a high school age girl- a little younger than her, then- and she was taller than her too. She was dressed to go hiking, and had pulled her honey brown hair into a bun. A honey bun! She was moderately pretty, Caroline decided. Pretty in the way of a girl who hadn't quite finished growing into herself yet. Which meant she could be borderline gorgeous in a few years if she took good care of herself. Caroline felt a little jealous when she thought of how average she was probably going to turn out. _Oh well! Thems the breaks- screw being hot anyway!_

"It is a she." Caroline supplied slowly.

Ashley stared at the "she-it." She looked to be just a bit older than her, and a little shorter. Someone had chopped her hair off at the ear and let her bangs grow over her eyes. She was dressed vaguely punk, and had kind of a cute face. She bet the girl probably cleaned up to look pretty adorable- as it was, with her unkempt appearance, she just seemed messy and kind of baby faced.

Ashley had been walking for about ten minutes since waking up and discovering she was no longer drowning in a lakeflood of epic proportions. And that her clothes were dry, and she was in a minty smelling forest. Oh, what an evening. Actually, it appeared to be morning now. She pressed a hand to her forehead angrily.

"I was supposed to be fishing and motor-boating today, and now I'm lost in the woods. And _killerCarebear_ is probably snacking on goddamn _marshmallows_ right now..." she muttered despite herself.

The girl on the ground looked up at her and stood to her feet abruptly. "Well, I _was_." she remarked in alarm, "But then the yard started smelling like vicks and the fire turned funny colors and here I am...! Oh...uh..."

The girls stared at each other for a long few moments while the realization that they were already rather well acquainted washed slowly (and lamely) over them. Caroline slowly registered that this was "Biz", _TheGreatBiscuit,_ her satirical partner in crime over the internet. And Ashley slowly realized she was looking at _KillerCarebear_, who supposedly lived hundreds and hundreds of miles away from her and had been roasting marshmallows until a few minutes ago.

Not wanting to add to the awkwardness but unable to think of anything else to say, Ashley pointed her finger accusingly and declared,

"You dastardly fiend! I _knew_ you were eating cheap and delicious sugar items while I was stuck waiting the rain out!"

Caroline slowly raised her own hand -concealed by a handwarmer- and shouted back, "As if I knew it was _raining_ in _Wisconsin_, you unforgiving cur! How dare you begrudge me such a simple pleasure?"

"This situation is incredibly lame."

Caroline dropped her arm and answered, "Yes. Now where are we and why does it smell like biofreeze?"

Ashley finally lowered her arm and tapped the toe of her hiking boot against the ground thoughtfully. "Best way to find out is to walk...that way. Toward the funny light." she said. There was, after all, a tunnel shaped white light in the distance.

"Funny light works for me..." Caroline said with a shrug.

The forest around them was like a sea of towers and skyscrapers. Leafy, fragrant, brown towers and skyscrapers. It was dim, but sunlight was still managing to filter through gaps here and there and spill onto the ground with a golden consistency that neither could remember seeing in sunlight before. There were mottled patches of long grass here and there in a straw color, delicate flowers even, all growing out of the loamy forest floor. There was no animal noise- not a single bird, squirrel, badger, skunk. ...What noise did a skunk make? A hiss?

After half an hour- by Ashley's poorly tuned internal clock, of course- the funny light turned into a wreathed sort of doorway, formed by bending branches and trunks, all twisted together in some sort of sick and ecologically erotic embrace. Ashley almost felt like taking a picture- oh, no camera.

The only thing aside from the doorway keeping them inside the forest now was a very eco-friendly looking bridge. As in, someone had taken fallen branches and logs and tied them together with handmade rope and dead vines to make the monstrosity that she would call ...

"We have to cross Frankenbridge?" she said incredulously.

And found that her companion was already walking across.

She was doing so with a hint of ginger, but she was doing so. Ashley scrambled to follow and disliked the rattling. "Wait up, Carebear!"

"I think this thing is stable." Caroline mentioned, "I mean, it's made out of expired plant life, but there's a helluva lot of it and it seems really strong, for whatever reason."

"Do tell." Responded Ashley, "I'm sure Frankenbridge would love to hear more about your high opinion of him."

They made it to the other side of the bridge, and out the 'doorway', and Ashley only considered the deja vu of the path, sprawling plains and hills, and the time of day, for a moment.

But then she nearly tripped over a very familiar looking lump of green.

"Fuck me." She swore helplessly.

There, curled up under a tiny shield and sleeping very fitfully, was the most famous left handed individual of all time.

Caroline looked to be containing a nuclear apocalypse inside of her body at the moment, but she still looked up and said, "There's really no need for language like that, Biz."

"It's motherloving _Link_, Carebear." Ashley responded. (She had toned down her language, though.)

And it was- only, he wasn't a 64 bit animation. He was a living, breathing, real boy. His hair was poking out messily from under his cap, a dirty dishwater blonde, his face round and red cheeked. His tunic was riddled with mud and tears and there were raw bite and scratch marks marring the skin underneath the blemishes in the mute green fabric. The shield on his back smelled just like the trees from the forest behind them, and there was the trademark swirl painted on it. There were even scratches and chips in the wood. The sword on his bandoleer was also _very real._ They could tell just from looking at it. The leather on the handle had already been considerably worn in, the stone on the crossguard was bloody red and cut expertly, and the sheath was hard, pounded leather. Toys weren't made like that.

"He's Link all right." Caroline answered, "Long ears and all. And you just dropped the f-bomb in front of a child."

Ashley turned to her compatriot with a mock look of disgust. "You...you're such a _conservative_!"

"And a Republican." Caroline grinned.

"And I've been friends with you all this time..." Ashley lamented, "More importantly, we're in a _situation_ here."

Caroline squatted down and looked at the child hero contemplatively. "Yeah. Like we're in a bad fan fiction. Only it's real. And we aren't hot and desirable Mary Sues."

Something stirred in Link's clothes, and Caroline jumped back with a surprisingly feminine squeak. Ashley stared at her in mild surprise, and then she turned her attention to the glowing ball of light that eighty percent of all gamers considered a bane upon the existence of the universe.

Navi.

"Who are you?" She asked, her tiny voice tinkling like a glass bell, "I was trying to sleep! What are you doing here? What do you want?"

"Er...I'm Caroline Garrison." Caroline offered in shock.

_Ah, so that's her real name._ Ashley thought, _Figures 'care' would be in it- wait, why didn't I ask for her name earlier? _

"What are those things in your eyes?" Navi countered almost furiously. Ashley, quite oddly, found it less annoying than she did baffling. She stared at Caroline for a moment and realized she must be wearing contact lenses. Navi had been able to see them quite easily, apparently.

"I have bad vision, and these are a device for correcting it." Caroline said as if apologizing, "They're called contact lenses."

Navi calmed down a little bit- it seemed like Caroline's offering of knowledge had made her less wary. But then she turned to Ashley.

"Ashley Thames." she provided nervously, "You aren't going to yell at me, are you?"

"Why did you come out of the forest?" Navi said frostily.

_Oh. That's why she's suspicious. I guess we really don't belong in there, huh? Wait, does that mean she heard us talking?_

"Because we woke up there." Caroline said smoothly.

"Huh? Carebear!" Ashley said. Where was the smooth and bold lie? She wanted to ask. Where was the fantastic and convincing cover story? Why wasn't she eloquent and wonderfully, pathologically, shamelessly deceiving like she should be in a situation like this? ...wait.

"Why not just tell the truth? We woke up there and don't know how or why or when we got there."

Ashley supposed she could see where Caroline was coming from- it might be easier to tell half a lie than a whole lie. She only hoped her shorter counterpart wouldn't be saying anything unnecessary. For instance, idioms that no one from Hyrule would find even remotely understandable.

Such as "sweet" or "Don't be such a drama llama."

….Did Hyrule have llamas?

"That's suspicious." Navi finally said.

"You're telling us that? As if we don't know already." Caroline scoffed.

_She's an alright actor._ Ashley noted, _Or maybe she really is panicking right now and this is her way of offsetting it.  
_

The fairy floated closer to Caroline's face. Ashley imagined she was probably squinting, if there was a face beneath all of that light. Caroline was staring back coolly, refusing to budge.

"Listen," Ashley stammered after an uncomfortable moment, "We don't really want any trouble, alright? We don't know where we are, and we just want to go home. That's all." _I'm missing out on a rainy weekend of scrabble and Texas hold 'em right now. More importantly, why am I so scared of a __fairy__?_

Navi finally seemed to calm down- from what little the girls could tell. But she still hovered protectively over Link, who hadn't woken up for any of their conversation. The boy slept like the dead, Ashley thought, and wondered if that was safe for someone who was about to start spending his nights in graveyards and monster infested dungeons.

"Well, alright." said the fairy, "I can tell you where you are, at least- you're in the southern part of Faron Province in Hyrule."

"That's not right." Ashley said, "Not at all."

"Or it shouldn't be." added Caroline, silently relieved that her companion was picking up the act quickly enough to be convincing.

"You're not from near here?" asked Navi, "Not even from Faron province?"

"Not at all." said Caroline, face contorted into a believable mix of shock, awe, and distress.

Navi hovered in the air for a thoughtful moment, as if about to ask something. Then she simply alighted on Link's tunic. "I see."

"What about that kid?" Ashley said. She struggled not to emphasize 'that kid' or to say his name by accident. "What's he doing near the woods?"

Now it was Navi's turn to act suspicious. "Er..."

Ashley and Caroline both wondered for a moment if Navi was about to lie to them when the sleeping subject of their conversation started to stir. His eyes fluttered between open and closed, he moaned and yawned, and then he finally sat up, rolling his shoulders and looking very uncomfortable.

"...Navi...?" he warbled sleepily. He reminded Ashley of a songbird. _Boys shouldn't have voices like that. That's just too_ weird_._

Navi whirled around. "I'm right here, Link!"

Link rubbed some sleep out of his eyes and blinked at his fairy partner, then at Ashley and Caroline. He looked them over, head to foot and one by one, very carefully. Like gauging an enemy.

"Who are they?" he asked, "Their clothes are strange...is that how people in Hyrule dress? What time is it? How long was I asleep?"

"Slow down, Link." Navi urged. Ashley made a mental note- the boy was inquisitive.

Didn't the characters in those fanfics usually start out by observing how strong or cool or gorgeous or cute or smart Link was?

Ah, wait. This was real life, he was a ten year old.

….Wait a moment. ….A ten year old.

While Navi went about explaining things to Link and answering his questions, Ashley grabbed Caroline by the shoulders and hissed at her in a low voice, "He's _ten_!"

"Yes." Caroline deadpanned, "Yes he is. Such a novel number must be noted. And yet, why is this?"

"_Think_, Carebear! Think about all those horrible fan fictions you've read! What are the parameters, the quid pro quos, the prerequisites that must be completed in order for the stranded individual to be transported home?"

Caroline's face changed from vaguely amused to horrified and starstruck. "They have to 'beat the game'." she squeaked.

"I don't _wanna_ know what it feels like to be twenty-four!" Ashley whined.

"Shhh!" Caroline hissed, "Navi's done."

Link was gazing at them with a less analytic and much more curious face now. "So," he began slowly, "You are Caroline."

He pointed at Caroline.

"And you are Ashley."

He pointed at Ashley.

Ashley nodded. "Er...yeah."

"And you woke up in the forest this morning...and you don't know how you got there."

"This kid has a great grasp on the obvious." Caroline said brightly.

Link cocked his head at them. "Where are you two from, then?"

Ashley exchanged a look with Caroline. What should they say to that? Apparently the real Ocarina era Hyrule had a Faron Province, because they were in it right now, but what else was there? Should they say something like Snowpeak or Kakariko? Throw them off completely by saying Labrynna or Termina? They couldn't-or at least didn't want to- take hours out of the day to try and explain where they were really from or convince the child and his fairy that they were telling the truth. Caroline looked totally blank and lost. Ashley rested her elbow on the older girl's shoulder and sighed.

"Listen, the less you know the better, for now. It's kind of...complicated. I don't want to tell a story that would take three years." she settled for that and hoped Link would take it.

He stared at them a moment longer, then nodded in acceptance. Like the way her four year old neighbor nodded when she said "It's just one of those grown-up things." Navi seemed fine with it as long as he was, and Ashley was grateful for that.

"What's are your names, anyway?" Ashley asked, "We already told you ours."

Link pointed at his fairy. "She's Navi. And I'm Link. I'm a Kokiri from the Lost Woods."

Ashley felt her elbow twitch all on its own. Kokiri. Haha. If only he knew. Oh, well. He would eventually anyway. Caroline seemed to be gathering herself again. "Really?" she asked, "I thought they couldn't leave the forest."

"I'd heard something like that in the stories too." said Ashley, "Like, they'd die or something."

Link stood up and brushed himself off a little. He looked sore, in a way, and Ashley wondered if they'd brought up a particularly bitter point. She thought back to the graphic novels and the game and the taunts he seemed to receive from other Kokiri. He was a kid, so of course that wouldn't make him feel all too wonderful about himself. _Oops. _She made a note to broach the subject a little more carefully henceforth._  
_

"Link is special." explained Navi, "The Great Deku Tree sent him out as a messenger- he's...protected."

Caroline heaved herself to her feet and checked to make sure her doc martin's were laced properly. Ashley followed suit and readjusted her hair a little.

"Messenger?"

"I'm running an errand." Link said abruptly, "Something...happened...so I need to take a certain _thing_ to the Castle."

Navi seemed a little upset with what he'd just told them. Ashley could understand that. After all, the boy was on a mission to deliver a very sacred, delicate, and expensive jewel the size of his hand to a little girl in a Castle far, far away. And he was supposed to be protecting that jewel from a Certain Someone with a long reach- Navi had no way of knowing that she and Caroline weren't working for the Lord of All Bastards. Even though they weren't. It was too late to undo what Link had said now, though, and they'd already known it to begin with.

But that was beside the point. They couldn't tell him that. It was already an unspoken law between them.

"Something bad?" asked Caroline.

Link started walking north with Navi in tow. Caroline hurried after him and Ashley followed a little more leisurely. He was walking pretty stiffly. Probably a combination of pain from the bruising up and down his right leg and wanting to tell them what had happened but not wanting to at the same time. _His life must be pretty tough right now._ _  
_

"...Something bad...yes." he said after a moment.

"Are you sad?" Caroline asked.

"Yes."

"Have you cried?"

Ashley stopped short for a moment, then shook her head in amusement. Apparently Caroline had an instinct to deal with kids immediately. She had mentioned having several much younger cousins. Maybe she was just a Bleeding Heart or something. Well, it couldn't hurt to have one of those along. Ashley was lousy at the whole sympathy thing.

Link nodded.

"Good. That usually helps a little." Caroline offered, "Some people say you're weak if you cry, but my mom says you'll only feel worse if you don't. Like a bubble waiting to pop. It's a lot worse for you than if you just let it out."

"That makes sense, I guess..." Link said.

"Doesn't it? My mom is smart, isn't she?"

"Shut up already, Caroline. You're being a sap." Ashley said, "Link, listen."

Link stopped and turned to look at Ashley attentively. She was rather impressed at how he gave her all of his attention- it wasn't something most ten year old kids were willing to do. She supposed that whatever Kokiri had a hand in raising him made sure to hammer manners into his skull with a steel mallet.

"Do you mind if Caroline and I tag along with you for now? We need to find a way home, and we don't know our way around this...Hyrule. Since you seem to know where you're going, I think it makes sense for us to follow you until we can figure out a better arrangement. And you won't have to go to the Castle all alone this way."

Link started walking again. "That's fine with me, I guess...but why is it better for me not to be alone? I don't get it."

"Well, think about it. _You_ know you're a Kokiri, and _we_ know you're a Kokiri, but once we get where we're going, no one's going to take you seriously. You'll just be a little Hylian kid to them."

Link scratched at a scab. Caroline batted his arm away from it. "Because Kokiri never leave the forest. And don't pick at it." she added.

"I get it. But you two obviously aren't Hylians, so you can't pose as my family, can you?"

"Well, not as blood related. We're old enough to be your caretakers though, don't you think? Believe it or not, Caroline's already eighteen."

"Even if I'm short, I'm still an adult!" chirped Caroline, "And Ashley here is only a year younger than me. We can pass off as sisters and say we're taking care of you if we get into any... tough situations. This way you get to the Castle and we aren't wandering around! Everybody wins! ….hey, Navi, how long is it going to take to get there?"

Navi tilted in the air. She seemed to be contemplating the sun. It was different from the sun Ashley and Caroline were used to seeing. While in a video game the sun was normal, in Hyrule it was a much larger, more formidable sort of apparition than on Earth. And it wasn't really yellow or white- it was a genuine metallic golden light. And somehow, it made everything it touched crystal clear. Even things that were far away were easy to identify. (More grass, by the way. It was Hyrule Field all the way until the Castle now.)

"We have to cross Faron Province, and then a great portion of LaNayru Province. If we travel on foot the entire way, it could take several weeks. But I think there's a horse ranch on the border, and that's less than a week away if we're willing to walk all day. We might be able to hitch a ride there, and that can cut our travel time in half."

_Where does she learn all this crap?_ Ashley wondered. _Are fairies omniscient?_

"Then let's find that ranch!" said Caroline, "Oh, what are we going to eat...?"

"And wear? We probably shouldn't stay in the clothes we've got on- we'll stick out too much." Ashley added on.

"Maybe a stop at the nearest village is on our agenda too, then." said Navi.

"And I have some supplies in my bag." Link said. He untied something from his belt. It looked like a waistpouch, or a less gaudy version of the spoils bag from _Wind Waker_. "It's small, but the leader from my village enchanted it for me, so it can hold as much as I need it to."

_Does he mean Mido? I wonder what that brat is really like. Huh..._ Ashley pondered.  
Hyrule was obviously far bigger than any game could portray it. On a screen you could traverse the country on foot in a matter of two or three proverbial days, but it would take several weeks of travel to get what she assumed would be three quarters of the way across the country. And that was without accounting for detours to towns, stops for rest and sleep, etcetera etcetera. How big was Kokiri Village, then? How many of the little scamps were living there? And what about Zora's Domain, Lake Hylia, Death Mountain? All of it was making her head spin. She wanted to strangle Caroline for being able to look so calm.

And did the Kokiri all have names? Heaven forbid!

Ashley fell back and let Link and Navi lead the way north. Caroline walked level with her. "I have asthma." said the college-student-to-be casually.

"You're so screwed."

"Yep. At least I'm too stubborn to keel over, though."

"What's the first thing you want to say to Ganondorf?" Ashley asked. _Personally, I'd like to make a nose joke._

"_It's on, bitch._"

Ashley chuckled. "Good luck surviving the encounter, but I like the way you think."

* * *

**(?)(!)(.)**

* * *

**Kodak:** I'd like to say briefly that despite the humor aspect- the Crew- Ocarina has a very serious storyline, so there are bound to be lots of dark and deep and political, etc. moments throughout this fiction, solely on principal. Although I want everyone to laugh and enjoy it, I can't ignore that _srs situation is srs bzns_ and needs to have attention paid to it properly. I plan to keep from the bucketloads of angst, though, so fear not for your supply of eyeliner. Emotry will be avoided at almost all costs.

That aside...

Did you like it? Review!

Did you hate it? Review!

Is there something I can improve on? Review!

Do you have a question? _Review_! I'd be happy to talk to you about it.

Peace out-


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